I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
