okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
