i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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