Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize