Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
