Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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