Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
