My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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