I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize