if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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