If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
