No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
