hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
