even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize