i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
