gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
