You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
