Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
