I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
