i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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