it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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