So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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