I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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