Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
