Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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