You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
