dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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