I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize