R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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