Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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