The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
