Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
