Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
