i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
should my penis look like a turkey
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
