Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
