you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
