i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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