Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
