More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
