Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
