she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
