just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
