oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize