I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
