why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
