No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
