It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
