And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
