what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
