The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
