I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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