Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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