I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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