meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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