Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i love accidental penises.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
