Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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