we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
