i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
