Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
