Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
