i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
