I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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