Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
