people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
