i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
