Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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