did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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