So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
