The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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