You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
