she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
