You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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