Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
