Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
